dysfunctional

I felt a wide variety of things that night,

drove home with a smile on my face but

a sinking feeling in my stomach that told

me to run. This was nothing but bad news

and I knew it. And I was sick of how many

times this had happened. And I was sick

of always letting it happen. But on I went

to make another bad decision. And the only

conclusion I can come to with all this is I

like being upset. Is that why I stay? Is that

why I can’t seem to let you go? Because I

like being sad? Or is it because I’m hoping

you’ll change? Or I’m hoping I’ll change you.

Or I’m hoping someday we end up working

and we can laugh and roll our eyes at all the

pain we put each other through. But I don’t

want that. I don’t want you. I just want pain.

So I guess I want you.

When You Left

When you left

I swear the world caved in

or maybe that was

my heart.

Either way, you left,

I rebuilt myself,

and I’m only getting better.

Every time I think of you

and all you put me through,

I can’t help but smile

that I never have to deal

with you again.

Nostalgia

I haven’t felt a single thing

and I worry I never will again.

What happened?

I used to be so lively,

nowadays I’d rather sit at home

than be with loved ones.

What happened?

It’s like a part of me died when you left.

I knew it would happen;

I knew from the start

and I did nothing to stop it.

What happened?

What happened to the person I once was?

I have a fondness for things from before,

things like games and music and pop culture

because it’s the only thing

that brings me closer

to who I was

before.


Just Love, Nothing Serious

it was summer,

you were warm.

I never wanted perfect,

you knew that.

someday, you’ll know

how all these poems, they’re all for you,

and you’ll apologize.

and I’ll say it’s nothing,

it’s just a poem.

I’m just in love with you,

I don’t have feelings for you.


I'll Wish I Slept

You couldn’t give me the time of day,

but I wear a watch anyway.

You weren’t there when I needed you,

but truth be told I never needed you.

I needed you in the way I need coffee before bed.

You could be fun for a night,

but I’ll wish I slept instead.


Note: I found this poem I had written a while ago in an old notebook.