It took nearly ten years of being miserable
and much too hard on myself,
but it’s been twelve months now and it’s safe to say
I’ve beat the devil inside me.
It happened when I decided it was time.
I was done living a life of despair,
claiming the world was out to get me.
I took a year.
I learned who I am and what my limits are,
I set boundaries when I had my low tides,
I didn’t beat myself up when I got sad,
I treated myself the way I’d treat an injured dog or child.
I was gentle, careful not to hurt further,
and now I’ve got all these coping skills.
I’ve got all these ways I can survive
without falling into a pit of depression yet again.
I’ve got a lot to show for it
but most of all,
I’m just glad I’m myself for what feels like the first time.
The wind blowing through my hair,
life feels effortless, if only for a moment.
I soak in the last warm days of the year,
I know soon they’ll be gone,
and gone with it will be your smile,
I lose two beautiful things in the winter.
So I hold on to this effortless moment,
try to ingrain it in my memory
for those dark days when the sun won’t come.
I can remember the way you smile at me,
and I’m convinced the sun shines for you.
Self care is laughing at yourself
instead of beating yourself up.
Self care is going to sleep at 8pm because you’re tired.
Self care is eating when you’re hungry.
Self care is not buying yourself things you don’t need,
in hopes that it’ll cure your broken mind.
It’s letting yourself be upset,
and doing something that makes you happy.
It’s asking for help when you need it,
and letting yourself have a good cry to that one sad song.
It’s reaching out to an old friend,
even though you two haven’t talked much recently.
It’s being honest with yourself and those around you.
Self care is important,
because you’re the only one who will always be there for you.