Getting Over It

It took nearly ten years of being miserable

and much too hard on myself,

but it’s been twelve months now and it’s safe to say

I’ve beat the devil inside me.

It happened when I decided it was time.

I was done living a life of despair,

claiming the world was out to get me.

I took a year.

I learned who I am and what my limits are,

I set boundaries when I had my low tides,

I didn’t beat myself up when I got sad,

I treated myself the way I’d treat an injured dog or child.

I was gentle, careful not to hurt further,

and now I’ve got all these coping skills.

I’ve got all these ways I can survive 

without falling into a pit of depression yet again.

I’ve got a lot to show for it

but most of all,

I’m just glad I’m myself for what feels like the first time.

The First Few Days Of Fall

The wind blowing through my hair,

life feels effortless, if only for a moment.

I soak in the last warm days of the year,

I know soon they’ll be gone,

and gone with it will be your smile,

I lose two beautiful things in the winter.

So I hold on to this effortless moment,

try to ingrain it in my memory

for those dark days when the sun won’t come.

I can remember the way you smile at me,

and I’m convinced the sun shines for you.