I Want To Care About Myself (POEM)

I want to matter.

Not to you,

To myself.

I care what you think, 

But I don’t want to.

I wish I cared less

What you think of me

And more what I think of me.

Because I’m the one who will be here

when life gets hard again

No one else is guaranteed. 

So why do I care so much?

You shouldn’t matter to me.

It makes sense for me to care about me,

But why won’t I?

What is so fucked up in my head

That I focus so much of my energy on what other’s see?

I can’t even tell anyway.

I don’t know what you think of me,

And I’m done trying to decipher it. 

I want to love myself.

I want to eat healthy because it fuels me,

I want to go on daily walks in the morning,

To the pond and watch the sunrise

Because it’s what my body desires.

I want to stop sitting around,

Playing games for hours on end,

To distract myself from my aching loneliness,

when I could go for a run and feel better faster.

I want to matter.

I want to care about myself.