but it’s not the same

I still think of you often,

but it’s not the same.

I miss you in the way I miss my childhood,

you’re a nostalgia trip,

but I’m better off now.

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Getting Over It

It took nearly ten years of being miserable

and much too hard on myself,

but it’s been twelve months now and it’s safe to say

I’ve beat the devil inside me.

It happened when I decided it was time.

I was done living a life of despair,

claiming the world was out to get me.

I took a year.

I learned who I am and what my limits are,

I set boundaries when I had my low tides,

I didn’t beat myself up when I got sad,

I treated myself the way I’d treat an injured dog or child.

I was gentle, careful not to hurt further,

and now I’ve got all these coping skills.

I’ve got all these ways I can survive 

without falling into a pit of depression yet again.

I’ve got a lot to show for it

but most of all,

I’m just glad I’m myself for what feels like the first time.

The First Few Days Of Fall

The wind blowing through my hair,

life feels effortless, if only for a moment.

I soak in the last warm days of the year,

I know soon they’ll be gone,

and gone with it will be your smile,

I lose two beautiful things in the winter.

So I hold on to this effortless moment,

try to ingrain it in my memory

for those dark days when the sun won’t come.

I can remember the way you smile at me,

and I’m convinced the sun shines for you.

Wednesday’s Acts of Self Care

Yesterday was ROUGH. I woke up feeling crappy and the rest of the day just continued the pattern. I didn’t get enough sleep, which led to little patience for anything, which led to just a bad mood all around. I slept better last night and I’ve been taking it easy before work today. Hopefully today will be better.

I bleached and dyed my hair on Monday and it was damaged to say the least, so I put on a hair mask this morning for some self care. It’s amazing how my mood shifts when I take care of myself.

I hope all of you are having a good day. How do you practice self care when you have an off day?

Album recommendations: Act 3- Norman Fucking Rockwell! / Lana Del Rey

I’ve been listening to this album pretty much nonstop since it came out. I hadn’t listened to LDR until this album came out just because I hadn’t gotten around to it, but I’m glad I checked out this album. It’s sad, but sometimes sad is comforting. I feel like I needed this album when it came out. If you like sad songs about shitty guys breaking your heart- definitely check it out.